Are we laughing through the tears?

I even called Homeland Security.

HS: “Homeland Security turn-yourself-in hotline. Can I help you?”
Me: “Ah. … Yes. My name is Dean. I was watching the Glenn Beck Show tonight and I realize I know a lot of extreme Methodists. I’m kind of even one myself. I need to turn myself in.”
HS: “I’m sorry, what?”
Me: “I’m an extreme, radical Methodist, and I want to come clean.”
HS: “And you were watching the … something Peck show?”
Me: “No, Beck. B, as in … Bolshevik.”
HS: “Oh, I see (giggling). I’ve heard of him. We all have.”
Me: “I’m really freaked out about it.”
HS: “So what did you and your … ahem (giggling)… comrades do at this school?”
Me: “Well, we chanted in unison a lot, especially during basketball games. And they forced me into a lot of sociology classes. And religion classes, too. They even set up their own radio station to keep their message of social justice on the air 24 hours a day. And when that didn’t work, I had to take a class on chamber music. I almost didn’t survive that.”
HS: “Anything else, sir?”
Me: “I’m not sure. I think I might have repressed most of it. … Oh, and I get a mailing from them now and then asking for money, so I think you all might be able to seize some funds or something!”
HS: “I see.”
Me: “Do you think I should come down for a debriefing or something?”
HS: “No, no, no. That’s OK. We’ve gotten a lot of calls like yours today. Honestly, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. You know, social justice isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We’re kind of in that same sort of business, too.
Me: “Really?”
HS: “Don’t worry, sir. You’re not a threat to the homeland. Mr. Beck, on the other hand, is a threat to everyone’s sanity.”