Don’t Be Wed to Awkward Holiday Moments

Posted by Freddie on December 16, 2006 under Uncategorized |

As an unmarried person in a long-term, different-sex, committed relationship, I was pleased to see the Alternatives to Marriage Project publish a guide of etiquette for successful interactions with the unmarried members of a family just in time for the holidays.

While I’m in sync with same-sex couples who are suffering from discrimination at the hands of those seeking to “protect marriage”, my position is somewhat different. As an unmarried individual, I’m often surprised at how much discrimination there is levied against unmarried couples in America, regardless of sexual preference. I’ve experienced frustrating episodes in both government bureaucracies and private corporations that would not have existed if I had simply been married. So while same-sex couples around the country are lobbying for marriage rights, I’m lobbying simply for rights.

When we were supporting the (sadly unsuccessful) Vote No on 1 campaign in Tennessee this year, Randy Tarktington, who was leading the campaign, told us that marriage confers more than 1100 rights upon many couples. I can already establish beneficiaries of any sort for my life insurance policy and retirement accounts; why can’t I be considered to have insurable interest in a car I don’t own or retitle it with no fee just because I’ve elected not to get married? Many of the rights provided only to married Americans involve basic decisions involving mutual consent. These rights ought to be available to all consenting adults.

So this holiday season, as you’re thinking about giving and generosity, especially if you’re married, be mindful of Americans who have fewer rights than you do and ask yourself how you can help give all Americans the rights they deserve.

Nicky Grist said,

Every household needs a little etiquette assistance sometimes, even the White House:
President and Mrs. Bush enjoy a close friendship with Condoleezza Rice. Yet in an interview with People Magazine (1), Mrs. Bush states that Dr. Rice “would be a really good candidate [for President but] is not interested. Probably because she is single, her parents are no longer living, she’s an only child. You need a very supportive family and supportive friends to have this job.” We would have preferred to hear the Bushes affirm that they would continue to be very supportive friends to Dr. Rice if she should choose to run for a job that might be more challenging than her current position as Secretary of State.
Bella DePaulo’s book “Singled Out” really demonstrates how political analysis gets warped by singlism. She virtually predicted this comment about Dr. Rice, and quotes a heartbreaking example of how Ralph Nader was similarly dissed.